Montessori Mastery

When I attended a neighborhood party last night, I noticed a very loving, doting grandmother carrying her 2 1/2 year old granddaughter around on her hip, handfeeding her snacks.  Busted…..I suddenly remembered carrying my petite younger daughter around on MY hip when she was still hovering around 18/24 months of age.  My excuse? She wasn’t yet walking (no wonder!), she was small so it “easier”, and well, I enjoyed it!  (Fortunately, she turned out OK and is now walking.)

I also thought back to a time that a Montessori teacher/friend offered to babysit our daughters when they were about 3 and 5.  We were flabbergasted when she told me they had taken a long walk that afternoon – over 2 miles!  Our little children?

Not long after that, my husband and I visited friends in England and spent a Sunday afternoon walking through the Dales with them and their two young children, also ages 3 and 5.  Now that turned out to be a bit tedious for the adults towards the end – lots of breaks and games of Hide & Seek – but we did it!  And it was a wonderful outing that we all still talk about.

Where am I going with all this??  In short, we underestimate our children’s ability to walk!

Though our tendency might be to coddle and protect them, children actuallty are quite capable of walking long distances!  The key is to honor THEIR pace and interest.  Granted, many times it’s necessary for us to walk from Point A to Point B in the shortest amount of time: errands to run, places to be.  But can we also set aside time specifically for Children’s Walks?  Times when we can put away our cell phones, go to a local park or even just the neighborhood, and let our children take the lead.  Can we follow them, marvel at what they marvel at, share conversation with them?  This not only slows us down and gets us back in sync with our selves, but also empowers our children, encourages their independence, and develops a lifelong healthful habit.

Oh…..I see you’re putting on your walking shoes……

While searching for a particular book in my office, I stumbled across Daniel Pink’s book, “A Whole New Mind”.  I had loved the book and also had enjoyed listening to Daniel give the keynote address at one of our annual AMI/USA Refresher Courses.  As I flipped through pages, I realized THIS was where I had gotten the inspiration to read “Chickens”!

The gist of “A Whole New Mind” is that, in order to survive well in the future, we need to develop additional – specifically, right brain – abilities. He lists these abilities as Design, Story, Symphony, Empathy, and Play. These are not meant to replace the familiar Left Brain functions, but to work in tandem with them.

Pink defines Symphony as the ability to “put the pieces together”; the opposite of “analysing”. I was using  Symphony when I bought the magazine “Chickens” without fully utilizing this ability.  As I wrote in my previous post, I learned a lot from the magazine – but I missed something important!  Pink suggests using Symphony as a way to problem-solve and gain new insights. He gave the example of how reading the magazine “Cake Decorating” gave him a better way to design his business cards.  Go figure!

So I’m now ready to head back to Barnes & Noble – with a “problem” in mind – to see what sort of insights I can gain from reading another magazine that I’ve never noticed before.

Daniel Pink calls it “freshening your thinking”.  What a great example to set for your children.

Someone recently told me that one way to keep our brains sharp is to read about subjects we know nothing about. I thought about that the other day as I was perusing magazines at Barnes & Noble. My eyes kept scanning the shelves until they landed on the perfect magazine: Chickens – which, of course, was all about chickens!  A topic that I confess to knowing at least a little bit about, but it would do as my first venture into reading about the unknown.

My first experience was at the checkout counter. The young woman who helped me launched into a tirade about how much she hated chickens and the awful memories she had of having to feed her neighbor’s chickens when they were out of town. As she was ranting and raving, another person behind the counter jumped in with his own horror stories about chickens, calling them “nasty creatures”.

Well, I certainly hadn’t expected such reactions over  a magazine called Chickens.  Forget sharpening my brain; this could be more exciting than the latest Stephen King novel! I paid my money, sat down with my latte and began to read Chickens from cover to cover.

After the build-up at the checkout counter, it was a bit disappointing to learn that chickens are…..well, just chickens! And that there are lots of people out there who take great pleasure in raising them.

One article featured several beautiful show breeds with names like Belgian d’Uccles and Yokohamas. Another discussed remedies for egg binding – a condition in which an egg gets stuck and won’t come out. It’s not only painful, but can be life threatening for the hen. Another article discussed the care and feeding of chickens. And did you know that there is such a thing as Therapy Chickens? Just like dogs and horses. Though I haven’t eaten chicken in ages, there were also several delicious-sounding chicken soup recipes. I was fascinated by all I had learned about chickens in one short  hour.

What does all this have to do with personal mastery? My newly sharpened brain has a few observations.

Read my next post…….

Do you remember the last time someone made a promise to you – and then broke it?

How did that make you feel?  Disappointed?  Worried?  Angry?  Not good enough?

And how did that broken promise affect your opinion of that person?  Did you consider him no longer trustworthy?  Would you think twice before making another request of him or her?  Did you find yourself not liking that person so much?

Promises make the world go ’round.  In effect, everytime we say “Yes” to another person’s request, we are making a promise…..a commitment…..an agreement.  Yet, how often do we actually follow through?

As parents, we need to be especially careful what we say to our children and how we say it.  ”I’ll think about it” often sounds like “I promise” to a young child who’s asking to go to the zoo on Saturday!

So how do we avoid the pitfall of broken promises?   One way is to be very clear about the four ways we can respond to a request:

• A definite “yes”
• A definite “no”
• A “commit-to-commit”:  What a great idea!  But I’m not sure I’ll have time.   Let me think about it and let you know at bedtime tonight.
• A “counter-offer”:   I have other things to do on Saturday.  Would you like to go on Sunday instead?

Though a simple yes or no is probably more effective for the very young child, the “commit-to-commit” and the “counter-offer” can be introduced when appropriate.  The end results of these guidelines for making promises are the development of strong relationships, trust, the self-esteem of those involved, and the successful outcome of the situation.

While visiting the Museum of Fine Arts in St. Pete this past weekend, discovered two wonderful poetry books for children:  ”Hip Hop Speaks to Children” edited by Nikki Giovanni, and “Poetry Speaks to Children”, edited by Elise Paschen.  Both are beautifully illustrated and include CD’s.  Great items to include on long car trips this summer!

It never ceases to amaze me how most children can learn an entire language – or two or more – before age six.  I’m decades older and still trudging through Level 1 French using Rosetta Stone (a great program, by the way!).  Oh, to have my Absorbent Mind again, so I could simply soak up language from the environment, ideally, in Paris!

It’s because of this absorbent nature of the child’s mind that we encourage parents to provide a language-rich environment, including conversation, vocabulary, reading, and story-telling.  But rarely do I hear the mention of effective communication skills!   Needless to say, children are also absorbing the “how’s” of effective communication – or are they?

How many arguments, tears, and disappointments have resulted from verbal misunderstandings?

“I told you to clean up your room!”

“But I did!”

“No, you didn’t!  Now stay here until it’s done!”

“But you promised that we’d go to the zoo this weekend!”

“No, I said I’d think about it.”

“But you promised!”

“The dog’s water bowl is empty again!”

Do any of these sound familiar?  Maybe it’s time to take a look at your own communication skills to see if what you mean is what you actually say!

Next:  Making Effective Requests

Anyone who is involved with Montessori education knows it as a very child-centered approach.  Truly “following the child”, preparing an environment that is not only supportive of developmental needs, but beautiful as well, and managing all the other “nuts and bolts” of directing a class can be truly exhausting at times.

Yet, the Directress/Child relationship is not entirely one-sided.  Over and over again, I’ve had Directresses tell me how much they learn from their children.  ”They teach me far more than I teach them!”

When seen this way, then what an opportunity for personal growth we have here for both children AND adults!

I once had a very distressed teacher reluctantly admit to me that “there’s a child in my class whom I really don’t like!”  Not supposed to happen, huh?  After all, as the adults, we’re supposed to like them all!   Wrong!  Love them of course, but not necessarily like.

When this situation happens, we certainly need to relate to that child with love and integrity – but who says we can’t get something out of it, too?  As the saying goes, “If you spot it, you’ve got it!”  So what exactly is that child reflecting back to us?   The new awareness we acquire by pondering that question can then allow us to response consciously and appropriately, rather than react, based on our own conditioning.

For instance,  Jimmy is constantly coming to you for attention.  He wants to tell you about his dog, his trip to the zoo, what he ate for breakfast.  Other children enjoy regaling you with their stories, so what is it about Jimmy?  Are his stories boring?  Does he speak “over” other children who are talking?  Does he have a speech impediment?  Ah!  That last one seems to have a charge!  And so begins the process of self-inquiry.  Does this bring back memories of when I had speech problems?  Was I embarrassed by someone in my life who did?  Do I have unconscious judgments regarding people with impediments or disabilities?

Until we recognize what drives out behaviors and beliefs, we are powerless to change them.  What a wonderful gift from the children we teach:  the possibility of self mastery!

Just noticed the date on my previous post.  It’s – ahem – been awhile since I wrote it.  What happened to all those good intentions of writing weekly – even daily – posts?  I could say I’ve been procrastinating (possibly); I could say I’ve been really busy doing other things (that, too); or I could say that it’s all about the timing.  We can have the greatest idea in the world, but if it’s not the right time, chances are, that idea will come to naught.

I still think a blog to educate others about Montessori  is a good idea – especially in today’s world.

Did I launch Montessori Mastery at the right time?  Obviously not!  But here I am to try again.  Perhaps it’s an idea whose time has finally come.

Quickly!  Describe 10 things you saw on your way to work this morning!

If you’re like most of us, you can come up with  maybe five or six – but the rest of the trip is probably a blur.  After all, you’ve done it so many times that you could do it in your sleep, right?  You put yourself on automatic pilot and, before you know it, you’re sitting at your desk.

But what did you miss in the meantime?  Are there signs of the changing seasons?  Is there new construction?  If so, is it anything you might want to check out in the future?  Is that panhandler who’s usually on the corner there today?  What’s his story?

How might these observations affect you day – and even your life – compared to driving on automatic pilot, while drinking coffee and talking on your cell?  You might feel invigorated by those first signs of Spring – and this translates to your entire workday;  or you might decide to take the family out to dinner at that new restaurant once it’s open;  or, you might make sure to have a dollar handy the next time you pass that panhandler.

Often we’re on automatic pilot when we parent our children:  we respond the way we always have, and probably the way our parents did before us.  We’re clueless as to what’s really going on.  But what might happen if we took the time to really observe our children:  what they’re doing, what they’re saying, how they look?  What might we learn and how might that change our actions?  It might be something as exciting as discovering your child has learned to read (a trip to the bookstore this weekend?), or as simple as noticing that a button is missing from his sweater (time for a “lesson” in how to sew on a button?).

This week’s practice:  Take 15 minutes each day and simply watch your children.   Write down something you noticed about them that you didn’t know before.